


Tweet It Out

by false_heteros



Series: Just Flash Thompson Shit [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Comicverse), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, F/F, Flash Thompson Redemption, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Twitter, Iron Dad, M/M, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Social Media, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, Twitter, spiderson
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:01:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 6,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28198074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/false_heteros/pseuds/false_heteros
Summary: another Spider-Man twitter AU. In this universe Thanos died before he could snap the universe. therefor no endgame or far from home. Set in peter's 3rd year of high school.{chapter 2 }Starr @fishesarecuteI just saw spiderman get stabbed in the leg. Get up and proceed to crack a joke about that same stab wound.  WTF. i don't know if i should be laughing or genuinely concerned.
Relationships: Academic Decathlon Team (Spider-Man: Homecoming) & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Peter Parker, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Flash Thompson, Peter Parker & Shuri, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker/Flash Thompson, Tony Stark & Flash Thompson
Series: Just Flash Thompson Shit [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2061192
Comments: 66
Kudos: 688





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello i hope you enjoy. Just going to clear things up.  
> \- mysterio does not exist other than as random villan.  
> -no one is dead except Thanos  
> -flash is already redeemed. him and peter are acquaintances at the start of this fic  
> -MJ is a lesbian  
> -irondad  
> -may and tony have shared custody over peter. he spends his weekends at stark tower  
> -pepper potts is a badass  
> -most of the other avengers are not going to be in this fic.
> 
> Note updated news  
> I’m actually going to add other avengers becuase i love them.   
> Wanda is 19 in this series.  
> Peter Is in his 3rd year of highschool.   
> the avengers are living in avengers tower

**Spider-Man** @Webdude

New phone who dis.

|

 **Tony** @realtony ✔

Kid, why. 

|

 **Spider-Man** @Webdude

I need friends :p

**Ronny** @spidyfan

GUYS SPIDER-MAN HAS TWITTER??. 

|

 **Ao3Addiction** @waitwut

Damn, how lonely is Spider-Man to make a Twitter just to make friends 

|

 **Spider-Man** @Webdude

I- I HaVe FrIenDs, I just want more :( 

**Ao3Addiction** @waitwut

HE REPLIED???? Wth, my life has been completed. My will, written. I’m ready for my death bed, give Spider-Man all my belongings. 

|

 **Flash Thompson** @spidermansN01fan

Every time Spider-Man speaks, my crops get watered, my pores are cleaned and my (very pitiful) crush grows. 

|

 **Ronny** @spidyfan

Mood

|

 **TrainsLains** @trains4life

Mood

|

 **Death** @bychocolate 

Mood

|

 **Gon** @mydadisahunterleftme

Mood

|

 **Pati** @paticakepaticake

Mood

|

 **Betty** @goodmorningmidtown 

Mood

~

**Twitter** @twitter 

Spider-Man @Webdude finally has got his check mark. After reaching 800k followers in less than 24 hours. 

**Spider-Man** @Webdude ✔

Thanks guys!, :) 

**Tony** @realtony ✔

You're officially going to be stalked. Good luck kid. 

|

 **Spider-Man** @Webdude ✔

Why would anyone stalk me?

|

 **Flash Thompson** @spidermansN01fan

you're cool. You're funny, you’re awkward. You're strong. You have abs. You’re strong. 

|

 **MJ** @totallyouremj

Are you the stalker?

  
  
  


__

**Mj** @totallyouremj 

Okay but princess Shuri could step on me, and I would thank her. 

|

 **Heather** @monsterfromhell

I mean who wouldn't. I’d probably kill my parents if she asked nicely. 

|

 **Shuri** @i_am_smarter_than_you

Why would I ask you to kill your parents? 

|

 **Heather** @monsterfromhell

Jikijkkkfdsfalafdlkljdfa WTF

**Heather** @monsterfromhell

Sometimes I forget that celebrities have twitter. 

|

 **Tony** @realtony ✔ 

Please don’t. The shit on here about me is horrifying. 

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**3:40 AM**

**Starr** @fishesarecute

I just saw spiderman get stabbed in the leg. Get up and proceed to crack a joke about that same stab wound. WTF. i don't know if i should be laughing or genuinely concerned. 

|

 **tony** @realtony ✔ 

Kid. we need to have a talk. 

|

 **Spider-Man** @webdude ✔ 

It wasn't that bad! It was a small cut!!! I swear, plus super healing remember.

|

 **Starr** @fishesarecute

I can testify that it was not at all a small cut. This has turned into actual concern.

4:53 AM

 **tony** @realtony ✔ 

That’s it. I'm adding safety protocol back on. 

|

 **spider-man** @webdude ✔ 

What? No! That is so unfair Mr Stark.

|

 **Ronny** @spidyfan

Did Spider-Man just get Life 360’d ?

|

 **Ned** @guyinthechair

Don't worry dude. We can just reprogram Karen again. 

  
  


**1 deleted message.**

**ned** @guyinthechair 

Shit. hopefully no one saw that. 

|

 **Mj** @totallyouremj 

I Saw it. 

  
  


**Private message Ned 5:06 AM :**

Please don't tell anyone about what you saw!! 

Why would anyone care? Unless

Do you know Spider-man personally? 

No!! Haha it was just a joke. 

Your not convincing anyone

Fine. i Do. But you can't tell anyone!

please Ill do anything 

Anything?

Anything. 

Then perish. 

No but seriously I won't. Don't worry.

Thank you MJ. I owe you. 

__

**flash thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

Me; trying to read a book

My dyslexia: ahh my time to shine 

|

 **betty** @goodmorningmidtown 

You shouldn’t joke about that Flash. It’s unfair to people with the disability 

|

 **flash thompson** @spidermansn01fan

I have dyslexia?? Do you want documentation? 

|

 **abe** @ihateflash;) 

I think Betty Genuinely did not know. We all just thought you were being a dick as too usual. 

|

 **flash thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

Touché. Anyways, I think I’m going to stick to my audiobooks, Because this video is sponsored by ™ audible. Use my code :FLASH to get a 50 percent off and a recommended book for me. 

|

 **Mj** @totallyouremj 

I tried the code, it didn’t work, this is a goddam scam guys. Don’t fall for it.

  
  


**peter** @ihavehomework 

On another note even if it’s great that mental health and disabilities are being normalized, people are making more and more jokes pretending to have a disability 

|

 **peter** @ihavehomework 

when they don't even know how it feels to have it. It’s suppressing people who actually have the disorder. From a fellow person with ADHD. 

**flash thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

This is so weird?!, Something Penis says doesn’t make me want to puke?! Wtf. 

|

 **abe** @ihateflash;) 

Ah, there is the flash we all know and hate. :)

|

 **flash thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

Dude, you literally came over and got high. with me. What do you mean hate?

|

 **peter** @ihavehomework 

I would say weed is bad for you but honestly what is the word safe when aliens invade our planet every other year. 

|

 **abe** @ihateflash;) 

I hate you when you're a jerk. That's all the time. Weed Flash is surprisingly nice. That's the only reason we do weed together. Weed Flash and me are tight.   
  



	3. Chapter 3

**betty** @goodmorningmidtown 

on my way to binge Dynasty instead of studying for my 50 submitted assignments. 

**peter** @ihavehomework 

I haven't slept in 3 days. Coffee is my friend. :)

|

 **ned** @guyinthechair 

Ha. noob. I haven't slept in 5. 

|

 **rHarrington** @rogerharrigton23

Why is this generation? Bragging about who has less sleep 

|

 **peter** @ihavehomework 

Because school sucks, mr harrington sir.

|

 **Mj** @totallyouremj 

Sleep is for sane people. Anyone who goes to midtown isn't sane. We have all almost died like 10 times now. 

|

 **flash thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

Somehow Parker hasn’t. He is literally never with us when we almost die?

|

 **betty** @goodmorningmidtown 

He probably had to do his male escort shit again 

**peter** @ihavehomework 

@goodmorningmidtown what do you mean????

|

 **betty** @goodmorningmidtown 

Are you not??? Because that is the only explanation to you running off all the time 

|

 **peter** @ihavehomework 

Does everyone in midtown think I'm an escort?!

|

 **Sally** @doinghotgirlshit

Yup

|

 **abe** @ihateflash;) 

Yup 

|

 **flash thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

Yup 

|

 **cindy** @peperminte32

Yup 

|

 **Mj** @totallyouremj 

Yes.

|

 **Liz** @Liz_allan42

I definitely had my suspicions when I went to midtown. 

**peter** @ihavehomework 

What the hell you guys. I hate this place 

|

 **peter** @ihavehomework 

Dear, dicks. I am not a male escort. The reason I'm running off’ all the time is because of my stark internship. 

|

 **flash thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

Istg penis. So you're telling me, Tony Stark needs you to skip class to help him with work. Because you have a “internship”

|

 **tony** @realtony ✔ 

You got that right, dash. Peter is my personal intern. 

|

 **flash thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

Wtf? Wtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtff 

  
  
  
  
__

 **spider-man** @webdude ✔ 

Iron man has made me angry so i'm going to expose him. Mr stark acts like a playboy but in reality he is whipped ™ for Mrs Potts. 

|

 **tony** @realtony ✔ 

You know what kid. You're a menace. 

|

 **CEO of Stark Inc.** @pepperpotts ✔

As he should be. 

**El** @elone233

Is Spider-Man Iron Man's secret love child?

|

 **Ro** @fuckyall

That somehow makes a lot of sense, he only got his new suit in civil war and it seems similar to Stark tec. Iron man acts like his parental figure and he basically lives in Stark Tower

|

 **CEO of Stark Inc.** @pepperpotts ✔

I can confirm that spider-man is tony’s secret love child. 

**Rhodes** @warmachine

Tony picks up children like they are stray cats. He has an addiction. 

|

 **tony** @realtony ✔ 

I feel betrayed. Yall are boomers 

|

 **peter** @ihavehomework 

Please. Mr Stark sir, never use boomer like that. 

|

 **Christy Cream** @Christycream 

Sometimes I forget that Tony Stark isn’t 30 anymore. He's basically a middle aged man. 

|

 **tony** @realtony ✔ 

I am not middle aged. I am 47. I'm not old, I'm chill dammit. 

|

 **peter** @ihavehomework 

Mr stark now you're embarrassing yourself please stop. 

**tony** @realtony ✔ 

I cant UWU 

|

 **ceo of stark inc.** @pepperpotts ✔ 

Stop. 

|

 **tony** @realtony ✔ 

Fine. 

___

 **peter** @ihavehomework 

That wasn't so bad?

|

 **ned** @guyinthechair 

it was okay. I only hated everything about it. 

|

 **flash thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

Penis for once in your life can you pretend to be stupid. For our sakes. 

|

 **peter** @ihavehomework 

But being SmOrt is my only redeeming quality -_-?

|

 **Mj** @totallyouremj

Your only redeeming quality is that you look like a puppy. 

|

 **ned** @guyinthechair 

I can confirm. Peter looks like (◕ﻌ◕ ) half of the time 

|

 **tony** @realtony ✔

Peter does look like a puppy. 

**peter** @ihavehomework 

Yall this is biphobia. 

|

 **Mj** @totallyouremj 

Yes and?


	4. MJ finds out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> happy new year everyone. I'm trying to incorporate writing with my twitter fic before my brain forgets how to write normally. so excuse this angst/fluff.

**4:04 AM**

**Mj** @totallyouremj 

Huh. 

**5:38 AM**

**Mj** @totallyouremj 

Oh. 

**2:22 PM**

**MJ** @totallyouremj

Wow. 

**abe** @ihateflash;) 

I think MJ is broken. 

**peter** @ihavehomework 

She's been acting weird around me. 

  
  
  
  


**ned** @guyinthechair 

She didn't even draw anyone today?? Not even flash?! 

**flash thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

I hate that I'm concerned right now. But MJ is late for our decathlon meet. 

|

 **betty** @goodmorningmidtown 

IS SHE DYING?! OMG IS SHE DEAD

|

 **peter** @ihavehomework 

OH GOD WHAT IF SHE IS???

**Mj** @totallyouremj 

I'm not dead losers. 

|

 **peter** @ihavehomework 

ARE YOU OKAYYY?! 

|

 **Mj** @totallyouremj 

I wouldn't be on twitter if I was in danger, idiot. I'm fine. Just processing

|

 **Ned** @guyinthechair 

Processing what? What's so important that you skipped decathlon?!

|

 **Mj** @totallyouremj

You really want to know 

|

 **ned** @guyinthechair 

Yes. 

|

 **peter** @ihavehomework 

Yes. 

|

 **Mj** @totallyouremj 

Okay. so listen up 

|

 **Mj** @totallyouremj 

Fuck off you nosy assholes. Im fine. 

|

 **peter** @ihavehomework 

-_-

|

 **ned** @guyinthechair 

>:(

  
  


**Direct message**

**Peter**

**6:45 PM**

_We need to talk_

_??? is everything ok?! You've been acting weird_

Ive been thinking for weeks.

It finally clicked

What clicked? Is it something bad?! 

Peter

I know. 

Your (badly kept) secret

Know whaaaa?? Wdym

How are you and Ned so bad at lying?

Mj what are you talking about? Your confusing me 

Peter!

I know ur Spider-Man

I-

I'm totally not!, 

Spider-Man me? 

I'm a noodle MJ?!

Peter, please. I've been putting it together for awhile. 

Just tell me the truth

> _Read at 6:47_

  
  
  


**_8:23_ **

..

Meet me near the Denny’s near your house 

Wait what? 

about what you said, we need to talk.

Oh,

Okay what time?

Uhh, at 9. Well talk about it there. 

  
  
  


MJ nervously looked away from the laminating light of her phone. She had known that Peter would definitely panic when she told him she knew he was Spider-Man. She thought he would at least stall for another hour. Weird.Though he seemed completely serious by the time his last text was sent. It was scary seeing Peter be so serious. 

She slowly got out of bed and made her way to the closet, exchanging her hoodie for a paint covered white t-shirt and some loose jeans. She looked back at her phone.

8:30 

Her dad was supposed to be home by now. But he had been taking longer shifts so that they could afford the apartment. MJ was used to being home alone but she barely saw her dad anymore. MJ always felt a spike of envy when she saw Peter and aunt May together. They seemed close. Closer than she and her dad could ever be, even if they tried. 

MJ took her jacket from the chair next to the desk and shut her rooms door, making her way to the living room,

_Maybe telling peter I knew was a bad idea_

_Maybe we’re not as close as i thought_

_Did I ruin everything between us?_

Thoughts floated around her head as she locked the apartment door after leaving a note for her father. She would hope things would turn out okay, but when your Michelle Jones and your friend is a spider like mutant superhero, things are barely the way you want them to be. 

When MJ finally got outside the cold breeze hit her and she turned on her phone to see it was now 8:50. The nearest Denny's was a 2 minute walk. It was already dark outside. MJ wouldn't admit it but the streets around her apartment were scary at night. People always looked different in the dim. More tired, especially men. No matter how much she would say that she was a strong woman who isn't threatened by / need men (which she isn't) there was still a part of her who got terrified when a man stared at her for too long. 

MJ quickly walked her way to the denny’s. She saw Peter near the entrance, she walked up to him while taking a deep breath. When Peter saw her he let out a small nervous smile, and MJ relaxed instantly. 

“ oh, hey er- d-do you want to go in?" MJ nervously spilled out , trying to play it cool (failing miserably) 

  
  


“oh! Yeah, uh sure.” Peter quickly replied pushing the glass doors open. 

  
  


They both ended up getting chocolate milk shakes, MJ scanned the room for the cleanest table and waited for their order. There was an awkward tension that filled the air. When MJ finally got her milkshake she and Peter sat down at the table. She didn't know why Peter liked this place so much, the tacky browns, and the unnecessary amounts of couch chairs for a fast place restaurant always irritated her. 

Her father (when he had time to talk) always told her that every place had a history behind it, and that history could be turned into poetry. MJ didn't know if Denny’s applied but even McDonalds probably had a better history than this place. 

“ i- um h-how did you know?” Peter frantically asked, , she stared at him for a while, trying to come up with an answer. 

“You kept disappearing, and you're never there when we're in danger, Spider-Man is always with us though?. And you are really, really bad at lying. You never stay at school for long, and every time Spider-Man is near us you're gone, also you're the same height as him. You also talk just like Spider-Man and your voice sounds similar to. Don't even get me started on your “internship” formal internships are recorded to your teacher and done after school or in school periodically. Which is not the case for you. And-”

“okay, okay i get it ! I'm bad at lying. “ Peter interpreted her 

  
  


“You are, loser. Before you ask, I won't tell anyone.” MJ said, feeling relaxed now that Peter was participating with her jokes. 

  
  


“I- er thanks MJ, Im happy you found out, and not someone i couldn't trust.” 

  
  


“I’m the only one smart enough to figure it out. I know Ned knows but that was probably an accident because he’s such a ditz when it comes to everything but coding” Mj replied before taking a sip of her shake. 

  
  


“Somehow you're right , I was walking in from my window through the ceiling right, and then I jumped down and he's right there!, ned, ya know like every sane person loses his shit. And then aunt may walk in when i'm taking off my suit and she's just like “be safe n shit” it was so embarrassing!?” Peter animated with his hand while explaining his story. 

  
  


“Wait, your aunt walked in?! God Peter, she must have been traumatized. You should pay that woman for the shit she puts up with.” MJ chucked 

“That's what Mr Stark says!? I-I don't even do much to bother her, i mean-

Mj interrupted before he could finish “Peter, you're a crime-fighting superhero who risks his life on a daily basis, not to mention you intern with a former army weaponry millionaire.” 

“Wow, you're supposed to be on my side! This is horrible, first Ned, then Mr Stark and now you?!” Peter said with a mocking tone of sadness. MJ tried to keep in her amusement but failed miserably. 

“This has been a pretty good night,“ MJ judged 

“But I gotta head home, my dad should be waiting for me.” Peter looked at MJ with a small smile, and got up. Both of the teens walked to the exit of the building. Before they parted ways Peter turned to her.

“I know i've already said this but thanks. You're such a good friend.” Peter looked at her with meaning. His eyes said he wouldn't dare joke about this. MJ grinned. 

“Yeah yeah, you're still a nerd.”

“ We go to the same smart school! You're a nerd too, own it” Peter laughed as they said goodbyes. 


	5. the one where everyone got drunk and died

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> drinking game and star wars are a bad mix

**8:34 AM**

**betty** @goodmorningmidtown 

Today's newest Midtown Decathlon Trip challenge : team members will take a shot each time peter parker mentions anything related to star wars. *alcohol is very diluted for obvious reasons*

|

 **flash thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

Wait wont penis see ur account and not talk about star wars on purpose 

|

 **betty** @goodmorningmidtown 

Repercussions have been made, Ned and Peter as well as trip chaperones have been blocked from my account, as well as the student run school one. 

**|**

**abe** @ihateflash;) 

We might as well just willingly die from alcohol poisoning. 

  
  


**Mj** @totallyouremj 

This is going to be hilarious 

|

 **hot girl shit** @cinderpunch5 

We're gonna be so drunk!!!! 

|

 **doing hot girl shit** @sallyy24 

Y'all take a shot. 

|

 **abe** @ihateflash;) 

Already?! RIP midtown high 

_

10:43

 **Mj** @totallyouremj 

Bottoms up everyone!, peters at it again 

|

 **betty** @goodmorningmidtown 

I feel like i'm going to regret this 

|

 **hot girl shit** @cinderpunch5 

Alright, Cindy Moon is signing off, I quit. Peter is going to kill me if we keep going

|

 **doing hot girl shit** @sallyy24 

Understandable, This is now my 3rd shot. 

  
  


1:56 PM 

**flash thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

I have a big gay, and i mean GAY crush on spideyy

|

 **Mj** @totallyouremj 

5 drink Flash is apparently honest. 

|

 **flash thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

Yup, i hate myself. Im soooo drrunk fsiflsnfls

|

 **betty** @goodmorningmidtown 

Mood. 

|

 **Abe** @ihateflash;) 

I swear, if PETER TALKS ABOUT STAR WARS ONE MORE TIME I'LL PUKE 

  
  


2: 26 PM 

**peter** @ihavehomework

why is everyone acting so weird? 

|

 **ned** @guyinthechair 

Idk but what the fawk 😃 

|

 **peter** @ihavehomework 

Flash just threw a paper at me with his phone number on it?! Whasss goinggg onnnn 

|

 **Flash thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

😉 call me ❤️❤️❤️

|

 **peter** @ihavehomework 

I have entered a alternate universe and I freaking hate it here, yall I miss mean flash 

  
  


3:40 PM 

**betty** @goodmorningmidtown 

Fucccc im hammerrrd. 

|

 **hot girl shit** @cinderpunch5 

Sally just fuckijng told a chaperone she eats pussy like a snack, IM- 

|

 **Mj** @totallyouremj 

Im soo drujk, gonna swep nw 

|

 **doing hot girl shit** @sallyy24 

MJ not using proper grammar is sus

  
  


**betty** @goodmorningmidtown 

it s TIME to unblock peter.

|

 **abe** @ihateflash;) 

SHIT ABOUTTA GO DOOWWWN

4;10 PM 

**peter** @ihavehomework 

I hate my school. Wtf guys. Yall really went fuck peter lives and made a drinking game out of my comfort series.

|

 **Mj** @totallyouremj 

Im preoud uf us

|

 **flash thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

Petaa:( you still havent called meeee

|

 **abe** @ihateflash;) 

PETER YOU ASSWHOLE CALL BACK MY BEST FRIEEEND

  
  


10:22 AM (next day)

 **tony** @realtony ✔ 

One of my interns just told me his decathlon team made a drinking game where they take a shot everytime he talks about star wars. 

|

 **steve** @offical_capt

Are they dead?! Did peter just kill his whole class

|

 **Spider-m=Man** @webdude ✔ 

I'm sure this peter dude doesn't talk about star wars that much!!! Just the adequate amount 

|

 **hot girl shit** @cinderpunch5 

He does. Half of team has fainted due to alcohol intake

|

 **peter** @ihavehomework 

Lies. slander. Cindy how could you betray me like this. 

|

 **hot girl shit** @cinderpunch5 

Sorry Peter, your right it was ALL of the students except me, you and Ned.


	6. Dad???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello guys UwU. i'm here to say that school started for me and i'm going to b uploading less than usual. maybe 1 every week. it turns out twitter fics are HARD. Modern slang seems all rainbows and butterflies but dammit i'm suffering. Enjoy this becuase i certianly did while writing it .

**Chapter 6**

**3:23 PM**

**peter** @ihavehomework 

I want to commit kermit jump 

|

 **betty** @goodmorningmidtown 

In this timeline who doesn't?!!

|

 **mj** @totallyouremj 

At this point existing is a pain.

**23 retweets**

**|**

**ned** @guyinthechair 

Mood but pete u okay dude? 

|

 **peter** @ihavehomework 

I just met Thor?! Fjldhflsahlas nO I aM NoT oKAY 

|

 **abe** @ihateflash;) 

THOR?! Enliten us plz

|

 **flash thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

Istg penis out here living everyone's dream life. 

|

 **betty** @goodmorningmidtown 

I know right!?? I would pay all my money just to get Thor hair

|

 **peter** @ihavehomework 

Pay up biotch im broke

|

 **betty** @goodmorningmidtown 

For real??? How much 

|

 **peter** @ihavehomework 

300$ take it or leave it. 

________

  
  


5:44 PM

 **Spider-Man** @webdude ✔ 

Uh oh 

  
  


**Spider-Man** @webdude ✔ 

Dammit 

  
  


**Spider-Man** @webdude ✔ 

So… I may be in some trouble

|

 **tony** @realtony ✔ 

Hell kid, what did you do?

|

 **Spider-Man** @webdude ✔ 

Nothing too bad! Just accidentally travelled to canada 

|

 **tony** @realtony ✔ 

…?! Do i even want to know? Just one day of peace is all i want. 

Is that too much to ask?

**|**

**spider-man fan account** @bluejay1001 

How does one even?! Accidentally travel to canada!!!! 

|

 **spider-man** @webdude ✔

Trying to catch a bad guy. Got stuck on the plane. Now i'm in Canada, kinda chilly here

|

 **tony** @realtony ✔

I'll send a jet to pick you up. How do you even get into this shit?

|

 **spider-man** @webdude ✔ 

Curiosity?? Idk pure luck

|

 **tony** @realtony ✔ 

Well curiosity killed that cat so your grounded

|

 **Spider-Man** @webdude ✔ 

That's so unfair dad! 

|

 **Spider-Man** @webdude ✔ 

I MEANT MAN 

  
  


**spider-man fan account** @bluejay1001 

Tony stark is iron dad confirmed 

**flash thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

^

**|**

**hot girl shit** @cinderpunch5 

^

**|**

**Ronny** @spidyfan

^

|

 **Starr** @fishesarecute

^

|

 **ned** @guyinthechair 

^

|

 **peter** @ihavehomework 

I'm sure it was just a mistake guys! Spider-Man totally doesn't think of Mr Stark as his father! :(

|

 **Mj** @totallyouremj 

He totally does.

  
  
  


**Spider-Man** @webdude ✔ 

Father figure? More like bother figure :/ 

|

 **steve** @offical_capt 

Hey! Show your father some respect

|

 **Spider-Man** @webdude ✔ 

He's not by dad!, > : (

|

 **Tony** @realtony ✔

No no, i get it, do you want to talk about it later, over a game of catch? 

|

 **Spider-Man** @webdude ✔ 

… I’d like that. 


	7. dick cake?

**Abe** @ihateflash;) 

Flash acts like he despises Peter but in reality this bitch is obsessing over him. Today he put a cake that looks like a pee pee in his locker. It took him 6 hours to make it.

|

 **flash thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

IT ONLY TOOK ME 3 HOURS DIPSHIT 

|

 **Abe** @ihateflash;) 

*3 hours and a night's planning to figure out Peter's favorite flavors of cake. 

**12:03 PM**

**Peter** @ihavehomework 

Thanks for the cake flash it taste really good!, though maybe next time could you not shape it like a dick? @spidermansn01fan

|

 **flash thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

Fucking dammit. WHY DOES NOTHING I DO PHASE HIM

|

 **tony** @realtony ✔ 

Shaped like a dick? Kids have a weird way to flirt these days 

|

 **peter** @ihavehomework 

Flash hates me, Mr stark. 

|

f **lash thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

Yeah i hate him! Nothing at all to like about his face or his eyes or his very punchable mouth

|

 **Mj** @totallyouremj 

Am I the only one who sees this?

| 

**abe** @ihateflash;) 

I see it too dw, fucking idiots these too are. 

  
  


**tony** @realtony ✔ 

Tried some of that cake dash made for my intern. It's not bad. Guess I won't sue him today.

|

 **peter** @ihavehomework 

Told you it's good! 

|

 **peter** @ihavehomework 

Mr stark please don't sue my bully. 

|

 **flash thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

Wtf is going on, Can you atleast try to be upset? 

|

abe @ihateflash;) 

I love this for you. 

  
  


_________________

**6:50 PM**

**ned** @guyinthechair 

Im tired of dumb bitches using the dead parents card to get out of everything. Its peter, peter is dumb bitches. 

|

 **mj** @totallyouremj 

^

|

 **peter** @ihavehomework 

You suck ned :( it's not my fault i relied on humor to cope with the death of my parents 

**ned** @guyinthechair 

Today you used his dead parents to get out of history class. You said they're death was today and you need some “time” 

|

 **peter** @ihavehomework 

They did die! Four months ago...

|

 **mj** @totallyouremj 

Every time we play Never Have I Ever you say something related to having parents. 

|

 **peter** @ihavehomework 

I gotta use my trama to my advantage ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

|

 **flash thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

Parker used to pretend to go to his parents graves when he didn't want to go to gym class. 

|

 **tony** @realtony ✔ 

Oh kid…. You have a problem. 

|

 **peter** @ihavehomework 

Maybe I do use that excuse too much... But to be fair i'm an orphan 

|

 **Ned** @guyinthechair 

HE DID IT AGAIN. 

|

 **Tony** @realtony ✔ 

Setting up a therapy session right now.

|

 **peter** @ihavehomework 

Mr stark!!!! I don’t wannna go to therapyヽ(´ー｀)

|

 **tony** @realtony ✔ 

Tough luck. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flash and Abe have a somewhat bonding experience and iron dad is mad at his son

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School rlly just fucking sucks, but I am enjoying writting this, I’m trying to figure out a plot so if any of you have some ideas please do share and I’ll give u credit if i use it.
> 
> And yes I did edit this chapter4 times. I felt the first didn’t have enough emotion. Coming out is a serious thing. And I wanted to express it as such over text.

3:48AM

 **tony** @realtony ✔ 

Children are a pain in the fucking ass 

|

 **CEO of Sark Inc.** @pepperpotts ✔ 

I'm not the one who had a dream about having kids and “wanted to make it come true” suck it up bitch. 

|

 **tony** @realtony ✔ 

Morgan is a sweetheart, it's fucking spider boy i'm mad at.

|

 **Spider-Man** @webdude ✔ 

Its spider-MAN 

|

 **tony** @realtony ✔ 

Be careful with that tone young MAN .

|

 **Spider-Man** @webdude ✔ 

It's not my fault i got shot! 

|

 **tony** @realtony ✔ 

It’s your fault you didn’t tell anyone! 

|

 **Spider-Man** @webdude ✔ 

I HAVE a inferiority complex 

|

 **CEO of Stark Inc.** @pepperpotts ✔ 

This brings back so many memories

|

 **rhodes** @warmachine

Tony getting a taste of his own medicine feels nice. 

|

 **Tony** @realtony ✔ 

Well I was a fucking MIDDLE AGED MAN. He is A CHILD.

|

 **Spider-Man** @webdude ✔ 

I have super healing! That bitch left in 5 hours 

|

 **tony** @realtony ✔ 

Your used eyebrow tweezers to remove the bullet. Spider-fucking-Man if you don't tell me that next time your hurt i swear to this dimension, i will kill you.

|

 **spider-man** @webdude ✔ 

Point taken. Plz dont kermit me 

|

**tony** @realtony ✔ 

Finally, god it only took 3 HOURS to convince you. 

|

**CEO of Stark Inc..** @pepperpotts ✔ 

How does tony not see how he acts like us when we’re scolding him @warmachine 

|

**rhodes** @warmachine 

Because he is a himbo 

**5:36PM DM**

**Flash**

**Abe**

Dude i need to tell you something

Dont you have ur snob friends to help you? I'm trying to eat 

Theyre fucking snobs i cant ask them! 

Ughh fine ig, wha do u need help w

Cause i aint doing ur homework fur u 

You didn't do it for me you forced it outta my hand and did it 

Okay but rlly it’s important

As i said with what??

I think im

Yr what???

Give me a sec this is hard,,,,,,,

???

Okay, um I think I’m gay,?!

Oh. Am i the first person u told ? 

Shit

Um yeah, ive known for a while and just needed to tell someone

please don’t be upset?!

Okay just take a deep breath cause i can hear you panicking through the screen 

Im happy you told me, because theyre nothing wrong with being gay 

Your the same asshole as before

Why is this so hard, I know what your saying is right but

My mind just can’t process it

I really appreciate this though 

And i know i act like i jerk and shit but

Ur rllly great

I cooud never trust my other friends with this 

If your friends can’t accept you than r they rlly your friends?😑 

I only hang out with them becuase my parents want me too

”theyre good for our image”

But srsly ur amazing 

Don’t go rubbing my ego like that, I’ll become you 

It would be weird if I wasn’t cool about this

I’m pan afterall 

ur a pan???

I am confusion 

[ https://www.wearefamilycharleston.org/lgbt-glossary-az ](https://www.wearefamilycharleston.org/lgbt-glossary-az)

Here, you’ll need this. 

  
  
  



	9. Chapter 9

**peter** @ihavehomework 

Im so gay, like fuck. 

|

**Mj** @totallyouremj 

Mood 

|

**abe** @ihateflash;) 

Moooood

|

**hot girl shit** @cinderpunch5 

Moood

|

**doing hot girl shit** @sallyy24 

I mean big mood 

|

**betty** @goodmorningmidtown 

Woman are hot

  
  
  


**ned** @guyinthechair 

So is no one on our decathlon team straight? or 

|

**Mj** @totallyouremj 

No none 

|

**peter** @ihavehomework 

I mean flash is but we could never know

|

**abe** @ihateflash;) 

Everyone in the midtown decathlon team is some form of queer. EVERYONE

|

**peter** @ihavehomework 

Nerds are queer? Comfirmed. 

_____

**CEO of Stark Inc..** @pepperpotts ✔ 

Hey google, how do you tell your husband to sleep because he's been awake for 72 hours?

**CEO of Stark Inc...** @pepperpotts ✔ 

Hey google, how do I kill my husband? 

**200K likes**

**80K retweets**

**CEO of Stark Inc..** . @pepperpotts ✔ 

Hey google, what time does my husband become less self destructive?

|

**Spider-Man** @webdude ✔ 

So Um mrs potts, this isnt google?!

|

**CEO of Stark Inc..** . @pepperpotts ✔ 

I know. : )

  
  


**tony** @realtony ✔ 

@pepperpotts are you okay hun??? please don't kill me 

|

**CEO of Stark Inc...** @pepperpotts ✔ 

I should kill you, and i will : ) 

|

**tony** @realtony ✔ 

Someone please he-

  
  


**Spider-Man** @webdude ✔ 

RIP TONY STARK you‘ll always be in our hearts. 

:(

|

**Rhodes** @warmachinewasabettername 

*rip tony stank 

|

**tony** @realtony ✔ 

IM ALIVE FJNFJLS HELP ME PEPPER IS GONNA KILL ME IDHNSKFJKDSH 

|

**Spider-Man** @webdude ✔ 

sometimes i can hear his voice in the background

|

**Spider-Man** @webdude ✔ 

it's almost like he’s right here with us. 

  
  


**CEO of Stark Inc...** @pepperpotts ✔ 

Going to miss you Tony Stark. Always and forever.

|

**Avea!#$*** @pepperpottscansteponme

Did our queen just kill tony stark?! Yes. yes she did. 

|

**Shirya** **bitchen** @fuckthisshitimdone

Okay but is he actually dead?? Because i seriously cannot tell

|

**peter** @ihavehomework 

I can say (with much regret) Tony Stark is dead. fRiDaY pLaY dEsPaCiTo

|

**steve** @offical_capt 

Rest in peace Tony Edward Stark

The world will always miss you. 

  
  


**Buzzfeed News** @officalbuzzfeednews

Tony Stark/Potts died today at 3:66 PM. But who killed him? A mystery buzzfeed unsolved has begun in order to look into this. 

|

**betty** @goodmorningmidtown 

Wait, they actually think he‘s dead?! 

|

**ned** @guyinthechair 

Buzzfeed rlly be leaching onto anything at this point, oof

|

**Mj** @totallyouremj 

Another old white man gone?! Great!

|

**Mj** @totallyouremj 

Please don’t sue me Mr Stark, you're cool.

  
  
  


**11:00PM**

**tony** @realtony ✔ 

I’m alive , just took a nap. Why is everyone on twitter so dramatic

|

**peter** @ihavehomework 

You’re alive mr tark!!!!! Wait, so did mrs potts scare you to going to sleep?! 

|

**tony** @realtony ✔ 

HA no, 

|

**CEO of Stark Inc...** @pepperpotts ✔

Really? I know morgan knows the story and I could just give her my phone. 

|

**tony** @realtony ✔

Yes. 

|

**CEO of Stark Inc...** @pepperpotts ✔ 

Good, now go back to sleep. : )


	10. The one where Loki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!! Exited about my 10th chapter and also kind of worried, I need to come up with a relevant plot to move this story along if i want it to keep going and would really appreciate it If anyone who has an idea about a plot could comment on it? Credit will be given if I use that plot.

**loki** @ididntfuckahorse

I have studied all internet culture and am here to chill. Migard sucks. Why do you guys have morals?? If you hate someone just kill them./J

**389 likes 54 reposts**

  
  


**loki** @ididntfuckahorse 

how to apologize for stabbing someone? 

|

**Jack** @hammertime

Uhh, are you the person who tried to take over new york?

|

**Lilyeeee binch** @imgonnagokermit

Aren't you that god who's known for lying or smth?? I am confusion

|

**loki** @ididntfuckahorse 

Yes.

  
  


**Rohl fucks shit up** @stfuimcool8)

@real tony ? You got an explanation for a god who took over New York???, because I still go to therapy because of the shit that happened in the attack Honestly kind of freaking out?!

|

**tony** @realtony ✔ 

Loki as of now is not a threat. After immense research and tests we found that he was influenced by the mind stone. 

|

**loki** @ididntfuckahorse 

Yes. Although I know this is not an excuse for my behavior towards Midgardians. I am truly sorry for the harm I caused in New York. I am to blame for any kind of hardship your city had to face and for that I am deeply regretful. 

  
  


**tony** @realtony ✔ 

For anyone who didn't see that tweet. Loki was mind controlled by the mind stone in the battle of new york. Currently he is trying to be a better person, as he has already faced punishment for his crimes on his home planet.

|

**Spider-Man** @webdude ✔ 

As someone who has met loki as of recently i can say that he is actually very nice! He is a truly changed person and really is becoming better. ;)

  
  
  


**Rurrl eatts** @norsemythgeek   
So @loki did you give birth to an eight legged horse or?????

|

**loki** @ididntfuckahorse 

You make a joke about birthing a horse once 1000 years ago and people won't let it o

|

**Thor** @godofthunder

Wait but i thought thagfjsdgkljgfsnlzkgldskfk

|

**loki** @ididntfuckahorse 

You thought what Thor :)

_____

**flash thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

If you knew me in middle school, no you fucking didnt. 😃

|

**abe** @ihateflash;) 

I mean I wish i didn't know you in middle school. 

|

**peter** @ihavehomework 

^

|

**Liz** @Liz_allan42

I mean at least you didn't call yourself “flash” in middle school

|

**flash thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

I didn't come here to be attacked ELISABETH 

|

**Liz** @Liz_allan42 

Bitch. Atleasst my first name isnt fucking eUgEnE

|

**flash thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

Its not my fault my parents named me that horrid ugly name, dont blame me bitch

|

**Liz** @Liz_allan42 

Why flash out of ALL the other names. You could have been a axel or a austin or a fucking brian. Not no you wanted to be FLASH i cant- 

|

**peter** @ihavehomework 

Yeah, liz is right. Why would you even name yourself flash??

|

**flash thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

Okay first of all, fuck you penis and second fuck off it just stuck okay?! I came here to have a good time, not get atttacked

|

**peter** @ihavehomework 

I hate you.

|

**flash thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

Feelings mutual. ANd i hate you more! 

|

**Peter** @ihavehomework 

Oh yeah?! Well i hate you MOST

|

**flash thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

ARGGG i hate YOU the MOSTEST

|

**Peter** @ihavehomework 

Well I hate you EVEN MORE THAN THAT 

|

**abe** @ihateflash;) 

And like that its over. 

|

**Mj** @totallyouremj 

It lasted pretty long this time.

|

**abe** @ihateflash;) 

I really thought this was the one…

|

**Mj** @totallyouremj 

Keep your head up high sport, they’ll get it eventually. 


	11. just 'straight' dads vibing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i know im two days late, but math is kicking my ass -_-. i really liked writting this!!! enjoy. shoutout to my discord friend for helping me come up with the idea. thanks Halan|halando! do gay be crime folks

**Spider-Man** @webdude ✔ 

What if the moon landing is fake. It kinda makes sense ((╬ಠิ﹏ಠิ))

|

**tony** @realtony ✔ 

I cant even with you. Go to fucking bed you heathen.

|

**Spider-Man** @webdude ✔ 

No no! Listen, what if they just hid greenscreens and shit from us in the past. The government has hidden alot to us anyways so…

|

**tony** @realtony ✔ 

Huh, i mean you would be right, if we hadn't BEEN TO SPACE.

|   
**Spider-Man** @webdude ✔ 

Landing on the moon and seeing the moon from a big flying donut are two different things 

ヾ(*ㅿ*๑)ﾂ

|

**tony** @realtony ✔ 

I‘ll buy you a spaceship.

|

**Spider-Man** @webdude ✔ 

????

|   
**tony** @realtony ✔ 

I will buy you a FUCKING spaceship and take you to the MOON, if you would just shut up about this. 

|

**Spider-Man** @webdude ✔ 

Bet

|

**CEO of Stark Inc.** . @pepperpotts ✔ 

Is this going on the “i'm a idiot” bill or “I will do anything to prove you wrong” bill?

|

**rhodes** @warmachinewasabettername 

The “i'm a idiot” bill for sure 

|   
**tony** @realtony ✔ 

I bought it. Kid put your suit on because were going to space

|   
**steve** @offical_capt 

He’s joking... right? 

|

**CEO of Stark Inc..** @pepperpotts ✔ 

Apparently no. just got the confirmation and everything from his bank account 

|

**Spider-Man** @webdude ✔ 

WHAT, takeitbacktakeitbacktakeitbacktakitback!!!

|

**tony** @realtony ✔ 

You buy a kid a spaceship to prove him wrong and he suddenly freaks out. Kids am I right?

|

**Clint** @clawclawbitch ✔

Pretty sure that's only you tin can. 

|

**tony** @realtony ✔ 

I'll kick you out of the compound. Try that again. 

|   
**Clint** @clawclawbitch ✔

As if. You cant kick me out because you love me （*’∀’人）♥

|

**Mj** @totallyouremj

Seeing straight dads fight like married couples is very entertaining

|

**tony** @realtony ✔ 

First off all ehh, and second who’s to say the avengers aren't just a big polyamory couple 

  
  


**Buzzfeed** @buzzfeed

🚨 BREAKING NEWS 🚨 Tony Stark the face of ‘Iron Man’ reveals that the Avengers are in a POLYAMOROUS relationship. Read more on the link below!!

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvBwypGUkPo ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvBwypGUkPo)

|

**CEO of Stark Inc..** @pepperpotts ✔ 

Oh what was that, yeah that's the sound of me murdering my husband for starting YET another PR disaster 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i know im 2 weeks late, but bear with me. school is a pain.

**Flash Thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

People really out here assuming I’m homophobic because I’m a asshole. Bitch it’s actually because of your shit sense of style. 

|

**Peter** @ihavehomework 

you call me penis?!?! wtf do you expect me to think

|

**Flash Thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

It's a alliteration, get over yourself, youre not ‘main character’ enough to get bullied.

|

**Peter** @ihavehomework 

Wow, apparently being an intern to tony stark is not main character enough 

|

**Flash Thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

Fuck you. Ever since that trip to oscorp you’ve changed 

|

**Peter** @ihavehomework 

im still the same, youre the one whos changed. 

|

**Flash Thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

no, you're not, you're different. Where is the nerdy shy person I used to know? Where is he?!😭

|

**Peter** @ihavehomework 

HES GONE. 

|

**Flash Thompson** @spidermansn01fan 

Well BRING HIM BACK

|

**Peter** @ihavehomework 

i wish i could…. 😞 

  
  
  


**loki** @ididntfuckahorse ✔

So were none of yall gonna tell me that magic wielding midgardians exist??

|

**Wanda** @scarletwitch ✔

I mean at this point i'm not even human. 

|

**Dr Strange** @stephenstrange32 ✔

We've always been here, you were too busy with world domination to realize it. 

|

**loki** @ididntfuckahorse 

You take over new york one time and suddenly you're a villain

|

**Spider-Man** @webdude ✔ 

I love you mr loki sir but you technically ARE a villain

|

**loki** @ididntfuckahorse ✔

If you think that I am a villain you should meet my eldest sister Hel. 

|

**Bruce Banner** @BruceTheBanner ✔

Let's not. I speak for all humans when I say we prefer Thor. 

|

**Thor** @godofthunder ✔

Thank you. I prefer me too! :)   
  


  
  


**Spider-Man** @webdude ✔ 

Guys! I've been thinking about dogs right, so you know how they have dog years, do asgardians do something similar for us??? Like are we like dogs to them?!

|

**Thor** @godofthunder ✔ 

I am not familiar with these dog years you speak off? Though 1 year in Asgard is equal to 50 on migard. Loki is currently ‘21’ in human years. I am ‘32.’

|

**loki** @ididntfuckahorse ✔ 

Before you all go rabid. This is only a comparison. We are still in fact more that 1000 years old 

|

**tony** @realtony ✔ 

Loki invading earth was basically his young adult rebelion years. That explains so much of the angsty brooding he did. 

|

**loki** @ididntfuckahorse ✔ 

Excuse me?! You find out your birth race is said to be monstrous by your adoptive race. You kill the king of that race, just to later find out he is your birth father and not have a mental breakdown. 

|

**Wanda** @scarletwitch ✔ 

This man really said T R A U M A .That's such a mood. My mental breakdown was signing up to a terrorist organization and getting powers from a glowing stone. 

  
  



End file.
